Yoga, Death & Non-Attachment: Practicing the Yamas in a Divided World

Listen Now: 11-01-26 Nov Musings

23:35

“If you are a human not living under a rock, you're probably feeling a lot right now.  If you've spent any time online lately, you've probably noticed that everyone is angry.”

Those words from Amanda Kelly landed deeply with me. Between political turmoil, social unrest, endless headlines, and the constant pull of social media, many people are feeling overwhelmed, angry, frightened, or exhausted.

Every day brings another headline, another outrage, another chance to pick a side and join the battle.  And before we know it, we are emotionally invested in events we have little control over.

Friends are unfriending friends on social media.  Families are arguing. Complete strangers are convinced they know the “truth” while anyone who disagrees must be ignorant, evil, or misinformed.

"The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off."

— Gloria Steinem

The Day I Triggered Fellow Yogis

A few months ago, I shared a post encouraging people to pause before rushing to judgment regarding a tragic event that had become politically charged.  This was because I noticed Yogis were posting about ahimsa while simultaneously condemning anyone who disagreed with them.

My intention wasn't to defend or condemn anyone. It was simply to encourage compassion, patience, and a willingness to wait for FACTS before rushing to judgment.

The response surprised me. Some appreciated the perspective.  Others were upset.  Some accused me of taking the wrong side. Others insisted neutrality was complicity. A few unfriended me altogether.

What fascinated me wasn't the disagreement itself, it was how quickly even yoga practitioners became attached to their positions.

As both a yoga therapist & death doula, I've been reflecting on a question:  What does it really mean to practice non-violence in a world filled with outrage?  And the more I contemplate it, the more I believe that one of the greatest challenges of our time isn't political…it's attachment.

The Missing Yama

Many yoga teachers had been speaking passionately about current events from the perspective of the Yamas—the ethical foundations of yoga.  You'll often hear references to:

• Ahimsa – non-violence in thought, word and deed.

• Satya – truthfulness, speaking truth without weaponizing it.

• Asteya – non-stealing of another’s time, possessions, intellectual property, dignity, or voice.

• Brahmacharya – the wise use of energy such a channeling your energy towards spiritual growth, Self-realization, and detaching from the small things in life in order to connect with the one infinite creator.

Yet the yama that is often overlooked may be the one we need most right now - Aparigraha.  Aparigraha may be THE most important yama of all because it addresses the root cause of suffering and violence itself - attachment.  Especially letting go of the attachment to being right.

The Yoga Sutras are an integrated way of being.  Each supports the others.  Without aparigraha, our attempts to practice truth & justice can become fueled by attachment, certainty, anger, or self-righteousness.

We often think violence begins with action, such as physical harm.  Yet, violence isn't only something that happens in the streets.  Yoga offers a broader understanding by suggesting violence begins much earlier. 

My friend Baba, an Ayurvedic practitioner & yoga therapist from India, once shared something profound: “Ahimsa is a very unique and interesting word used in the [yoga] sutras. Himsa…as we all know is violence and putting the ‘A’ before is a negation of that violence. Why the use of the word violence? Why not just use love, peace, gently, etc. There are many words that can mean non-violence.”

So, why use the word ahimsa instead of simply saying love or peace? Because violence is an innate part of human nature.  While some may never become physically aggressive, violence can appear in our thoughts, judgments, harsh words, contempt, outrage, and the need to be right.  The refusal to listen and the desire to dominate another person with our opinions (something I too am guilty of).  We often believe we're practicing ahimsa while mentally attacking anyone who disagrees with us.

Ahimsa reminds us to be aware of the violence we carry within ourselves.  It’s a reminder that every action should be done intentionally with the attitude of love & gratitude.  Yoga in its purest philosophical form says for each of us to choose the path that creates the least suffering.  It is simply a state of mind that we have when we eat, think, love, work, drive, teach, etc.  

Ahimsa asks us to notice all of it.  Satya asks us to speak truthfully.  Asteya asks us not to steal another person's dignity, humanity, voice, or time.  Brahmacharya asks us to direct our energy wisely instead of feeding endless cycles of outrage.  And aparigraha asks us:  What am I still clinging to?  My opinions, identity, political beliefs, certainty, and/or my need to win?

The Resonance of Words:  What We Say About Others

One of the simplest (and most difficult) ways to practice the Yamas is in how we speak about other people.

It’s easy to have an opinion. It’s much harder to pause and ask ourselves: Do I actually know this to be true? Have I met this person? Do I have firsthand knowledge? Or am I simply repeating something I heard, filling in the blanks, or adding my own assumptions?

This is where Satya - the yogic principle of truthfulness - sheds light that truth isn’t simply about avoiding an outright lie. It also asks us to be honest about the limits of what we know.

And then there is Ahimsa.  Words can harm. Repeating an accusation, speculating about someone’s motives, or tearing another person down may feel insignificant in the moment, but collectively, these little acts can create an atmosphere of division, judgment & hostility.

That doesn’t mean we should never question anything. Yoga is not asking us to become passive or unquestioning. We can have opinions. We can ask difficult questions. We can challenge people and institutions. We can even believe that there are things happening in the world that we don't yet fully understand.

But there is a profound difference between questioning something and declaring it as fact. And this is where aparigraha (the practice of non-grasping), comes into play. We don't have to cling to a story simply because it confirms what we already believe. We can leave room for uncertainty. We can say, “I don't know.” We can wait for evidence. We can allow truth to reveal itself rather than forcing it into the shape of our existing beliefs.

Think about the late Dolly Parton.

In a 2018 ABC interview, she was asked about controversial comments made by then-President Donald Trump. Rather than being drawn into criticizing him, she essentially declined to participate in the conversation. When the interviewer pointed out that she was also a role model, Dolly responded that this was precisely why she didn't talk about other people. Whether or not we agree with Dolly's politics isn't really the point.  The point is restraint.  She recognized that being a role model wasn't simply about what she said. It was also about what she chose NOT to say.

Many cultures have long regarded language as more than symbols and that words are a living, energetic force.  In Genesis, “In the beginning was the Word” perceives language as creative & divine.  Hebrew letters/characters in the Kabbalah are believed to resonate at a specific frequency.  Sufis recite divine names to draw the speaker closer to the one infinite creator.  Mantras like Om are believed to resonate with the cosmos, aligning the practitioner with higher states of consciousness. 

Rooted in ancient beliefs, this idea is supported by modern technologies like physics, neuroscience, and biofield science.  In other words, words are not just sound patterns but vibrations that embody an energetic imprint.  So, before we speak, ask:  Is it true?  Is it necessary?  Is it kind?  And is it mine to say?

That doesn't mean we have to agree with everyone. It doesn't mean we ignore injustice or stop speaking truth.  It means we become more conscious of the energy we contribute.  Because every time we repeat something unverified, judge someone we don't know, or participate in tearing another person down, we are choosing what kind of energy we add to the collective field.

The Yamas remind us that yoga isn't only what happens on the mat.  It is how we move through the world when nobody is watching.

"Death is not the opposite of life; it is part of it."

— Haruki Murakami

What Death Has Taught Me About Attachment

My work as a death doula has become one of my greatest spiritual teachers - facing the one transition none of us can avoid.  When someone approaches the end of life, attachments become visible.  Many of the things that once seemed so important begin to fall away such as attachments to identity, status, possessions, old wounds, how life "should have been", and/or to being right.

Rarely do people wish they had argued more in person or on social media.  They don’t wish they’d hated the other side harder.  Rarely do they wish they had won more debates (political or otherwise) or spent more time proving their point.

What people do talk about is relationships.  What they long for is love, connection, meaning, forgiveness & peace.  Moments they wish they had been more present.  Words they wish they had spoken…or words they regretted they hadn’t.

"How we live is how we die."

— Ram Dass

Death has a remarkable way of revealing what truly matters.  As the body begins to let go, we are invited into one final practice of aparigraha.  We must release everything.  Even letting go of everything you THINK you know including how you think our world operates.  Everything is not as it seems.  (More next month!)

Our yoga practice, from the first life-embracing inhalation to the final corpse pose, attunes us to the cycles of nature, including our own birth, life & death.  The Wheel of Samsara (or the undoing of our bodies & minds) is learning to completely let go and surrender which is to practice non-attachment. 

In yoga, we hold a difficult pose to take us deeper into finding sthirasukham.  The Principle of Sthira and Sukha are the balance of strength & softness, movement & stillness, attention without tension, and effort without struggle.  We learn to feel sensation without becoming consumed by it.  Prana-yama is the art of breathing (Yama is awareness & Prana is breath, chi or life force).  You can’t hold your breath forever without discomfort.  So, we breathe through discomfort.  We become aware of our monkey mind so we can cultivate our monk mind.  And then… surrender in the final pose – savasana or corpse pose. 

Savasana is the easiest pose to perform but the hardest to master.  Gandhi said, “You must learn to be still in the midst of activity and to be vibrantly alive in repose.”  Here we find the balance between pose & repose.   Asana & Savasana.  Death to all poses.  A symbolic death of releasing from the physical. 

The deathbed and the yoga mat teach the same lesson that suffering increases when we resist. Peace increases when we let go of identity, titles, accomplishments, possessions, control, and certainty.  Eventually, even the body itself.

As death doulas, we witness this surrender over and over again.  And it has taught me that non-attachment isn't some abstract spiritual concept, it is life.  And ultimately, preparation for death.

I cannot stop death.  I cannot control outcomes.  I cannot prevent every loss.  But I can remain present.  Similarly, as a yoga teacher, I cannot control what others believe.  I cannot make others agree with me.  I cannot force unity.  But I can choose how I show up.  I’m not perfect but I do try to keep my intentions aligned with the highest vibration possible.  To me, this is yoga.

Withdrawal vs Witness: Non-Attachment Is Not Indifference

Mahatma Gandhi deeply understood the interconnectedness of the Yoga Sutras.  Non-attachment does NOT mean silence, passivity, apathy, or avoiding difficult conversations; it’s not spiritual bypassing.  Rather, it means caring deeply without becoming imprisoned by outcomes.  It means acting from love rather than reactivity.  It means standing in truth without needing to destroy those who disagree with us.

Inspired by the teachings of Alan W. Watts, Brett Hawes wrote a piece called “Spiritually Awakened People Are Vanishing.”  He sees awakening as seeing through social illusions, roles, projections, and collective sleepwalking.  This includes playing roles, pretending opinions you hold are your own, parroting narratives, unconsciously repeating routines, fighting laterally, and pointing fingers to avoid one’s own darkness (shadow work).

Blending Zen, Taoism, Advaita Vedanta, and Buddhism, Watts sees non-attachment as joyful liberation from the illusion (maya).  Hawes further suggests deliberate disengagement by leaving the social media sewage, unloving relationships, unfulfilling careers, and the “game” of egoic striving as non-violent (in a passive, preservation sense) to avoid depletion & unconscious entanglements.  You choose silence over noise because staying in unconscious (low vibe) environments damages your consciousness.  Just like the caterpillar must cocoon before becoming a butterfly.  You are metamorphizing into what others will eventually need you to be.  Becoming an example from the sidelines until you are ready to return to society with a higher frequency/vibration that allows you to engage without becoming entangled.

Mahatma Gandhi also understood that truth & non-violence are inseparable, but his philosophy was more than personal detachment.  He used non-violence as a tool for confronting injustice head-on, not escaping it.  He also believed that awakened individuals had a responsibility to participate and transform systems from within.  The Bhagavad Gita calls this detached action (nishkama karma). 

Gandhi challenged unjust systems while refusing to dehumanize the people within them.  He spoke firmly while refusing hatred.  He resisted oppression while maintaining compassion.  He understood that non-violence (ahimsa) was not weakness but disciplined strength.  Truth without compassion becomes aggression.  Compassion without truth becomes avoidance.  Both are necessary.  Non-attachment or deliberate disengagement allows us to hold that paradox.

In Buddhism, there is a practice of Witness Consciousness.  This concept has never resonated with me because of the word “witness”.  My understanding is that I AM the witness, I AM the Self observing the self.  They are not separate.  But in relation to aparigraha & non-attachment, it’s about letting go of the contents of experience (thoughts, emotions, roles, possessions, etc.).  You understand that I AM not this body, I AM not this ego/brain.  You recognize that clinging is the root of suffering.  Therefore, you stop mistaking the wave (personal drama trauma) for the ocean (collective consciousness).  That is the ultimate non-attachment.

These philosophies value inner awakening and authenticity.  They reject low vibrational emotions like shame, blame, judgment and dividing society into “us vs. them” what Hawes calls shadowboxing.  They see personal transformation as a requirement to real contribution.

Is this what the world is asking of us now?  Not silence or outrage, but conscious action rooted in truth & love.

"You only lose what you cling to."

— Buddha

What happens when we stop clinging?

As Rumi wrote, "The wound is the place where the Light enters you." But what happens after the light enters?  When healing asks us not only to remember, but also to release.

One of my favorite stories comes from yoga teacher Ana Forrest's autobiography, Fierce Medicine.  Her friend Josquin was a devoted vegetarian. While visiting her home, he discovered what appeared to be a turkey leg, stripped surgically clean, in the trash.  For him, it was like stumbling upon a crime scene.  He was horrified.  (He didn’t know Ana had given it to Wicca, her parrot, a meticulous bone nibbler.)

Did he really want to associate with a committed carnivore?  Someone whose choices were so different from his own?  After wrestling with his reaction, he came to a simple conclusion: "I decided to love Ana anyway."

I think this story contains a profound spiritual teaching.  We have become so conditioned to divide ourselves into camps - Us versus them.  Left versus right.  Right versus wrong.  Josquin didn't suddenly agree with Ana, he simply chose love over judgment. 

One of the central teachings of Dr. David Hawkins is that it's not events that determine our level of consciousness, it's our relationship to them.  Depending on our level of consciousness, the same event can evoke fear & anger…or love & peace.  The event doesn’t change, our consciousness does.  Just like Josquin, how can we move up the Scale of Consciousness by releasing attachment?   

In today's world, that may be one of the most radical yogic practices available: Can we love one another anyway?  Because beneath our opinions, identities & beliefs, we remain deeply human.

One of the reasons I appreciate Dr. David Hawkins' Scale of Consciousness so much is that it reminds us that our spiritual growth isn't measured by what happens around us, it is measured by how we respond.  But yoga asks a deeper question.  Aparigraha isn't about pretending those emotions don't exist, it's about recognizing when we've become attached to them.

Non-attachment allows us to acknowledge our anger without becoming angry.  To feel fear without becoming fearful.  To seek truth without becoming consumed by the need to prove others wrong.

The bigger lesson is that authentic yoga isn't loving people who agree with us. It's learning to love the person whose worldview makes us uncomfortable.  Not because we approve of everything they do, but because their humanity is important too…even when we disagree.

Whether I'm teaching yoga or sitting beside someone who is dying, the lesson is similar - Life is constantly asking us to let go.  Eventually, every one of us will be asked to release everything we think we own, including our bodies.

Sitting with the dying has taught me that the people who leave this world most peacefully are rarely those who controlled life the best.  They are often the ones who learned to let go.  Isn't that exactly what Dr. Hawkins describes?  The movement from force to power, from fear to trust, from control to surrender, from attachment to peace. 

Aparigraha isn't just another Yama, it is preparation for the ultimate surrender.  Peace does not come from controlling the world, peace comes from loosening our hold on it.

The Invitation

This musing began because I triggered a bunch of yogis about a tragic event that had been politicized.  I asked them to pause…to breathe.  Instead of speculation…to wait for facts.  We were not there; we don’t know the human histories of these crossed paths.  I asked that people be more like the monks in the 2,300 mile Walk for Peace from TX to DC.  Their walk wasn’t in protest nor was it political.  It was prayer in motion, just as yoga is.  They are perfect examples of embodying peace rather than preaching it; promoting unity, non-violence & compassion; and honoring life through humility & discipline.  They remind us that peace begins within.

Whatever name we give it, every spiritual tradition eventually arrives at the same place.  Yoga calls it aparigraha.  Buddhism calls it non-attachment.  Taoism calls it wu wei (effortless flow).  Christianity speaks of "not my will, but Thine."  Mystics throughout history have described it as surrendering the ego so the Soul may lead.

The world will continue offering reasons to become angry.  Don't take the bait! There will always be another headline.  Another controversy.  We are living through a time of tremendous division.  Everyone wants us to choose a side, but few people invite us to choose awareness.

As yogis, we are called to speak truth as well as reduce suffering.  We are called to use our energy wisely.  And more importantly, we are called to practice letting go of certainty, to release the need to control outcomes, and to stop feeding the endless stream of outrage.  We are called to become fully present as conscious awareness needs nothing…or no-thing.

The death doula in me knows none of us are getting out of this life alive.  The yoga teacher in me knows that how we meet this moment matters.  Let’s walk this path together – more like the monks - fewer battles, more peace.

May we hold our convictions without hatred.  May we engage without becoming consumed.

May we choose compassion over condemnation.  And may we remember that peace begins not in the world around us, but within our hearts.  Peace within.  Peace without.  As within, so without.

Over the course of this year’s musings, I have asked you to remember, reclaim, integrate, and now release.  Next month, we reflect.

P.S. Stephen Levine said:  "Before you die, finish your unfinished business."  I offer many end-of-life services from preparing & organizing documents, personalized planning, and legacy projects to support families and individuals letting go of body & breath.  Call me to book an appointment. 

#YogaSutras #Yamas #Ahimsa #Aparigraha #NonAttachment #LettingGo #DeliberateDisengagement #WordsHavePower #Gandhi #Buddha #Rumi #PeaceWalk #PeaceWithin

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